Connect with your Spouse

Turn Up That Song: How Music Can Lead to Better Connection With Your Spouse

Mar 16, 2018    |   by Holli Fawcett Clayton

This morning, I read a Facebook post from my friend Shelley that made me smile. In her post, she described how—after a frustrating morning with kids and carpool—one of her favorite 80s songs came on the radio and immediately transported her to “a time of no responsibility.” This caused her to do a shameless “car dance” on the way to work, something that clearly rejuvenated her and prepared her for a great day ahead, in spite of her present-day troubles.

Music is a powerful thing.

Think about it. The right song can evoke a beautiful, euphoric memory. It can assuage despair and provide hope and inspiration. It can even turn a morning carpool struggle into a blissful commute full of car-dancing and lip-syncing—simply by transporting you back to a happier place in time.

The psychological benefits of music are proven. In fact, research shows that listening to good music can actually enhance our emotional well-being and creativity.

So why not use music to better connect with your spouse?

After all, if good music has the power to transform your emotions in a positive way, shouldn’t it also have this effect on the way you feel about your spouse? I challenge you to try this simple activity: make a playlist of your favorite love songs—the ones that bring back those special memories of your romance—and just take a drive together. Or dance together in the living room. Or just sit and talk over a homemade dinner and a glass of wine, with your special songs playing in the background.

Couldn’t hurt, could it?

Music has certainly been an extremely therapeutic force in my life. It has carried me through the death of my parents, a painful divorce, the challenges of growing older, and, most recently, the journey of a wonderful second chance at love and marriage.

When I was first getting to know my husband a few years ago, we talked one night on the phone and just played songs from our i-Tunes playlists. I actually accused him of breaking into my computer and hacking into my list, because he played some of the same sappy stuff from the 70s and 80s that I adored. We discovered that we had similar taste in music. That was just one of our many similarities.

Music connected us then, and it continues to connects us now. There are just some songs that you hear that make you fall all over again.

Here are some of our favorites:

“Then” by Brad Paisley

“Humble and Kind” by Tim McGraw

“I Love the Way You Love Me” by John Michael Montgomery

“Bless the Broken Road” by The Rascal Flatts

“I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz

 Every time we hear these songs, we think of each other and our journey together. It is this journey—good, bad, and in-between—that makes life worth living. A good song can remind me how blessed I am to have someone I truly love to journey with me.

This is the kind of connection that keeps things going in the right direction.

So friends, get to it and make those playlists. And then make some time with your spouse.

Then turn up that song, and see what happens. I’m betting it will make your hearts smile at each other.





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Holli Fawcett Clayton
I’m Holli Fawcett Clayton, creator of Courageous & Connected, a website about human connection and the ways we can find it.
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